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Drawing Close to Soul

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Raising Her Hand

the too-full bud
learned never to speak out in class
was the weird one
showing up the other kids
learned to raise her hand
as late as possible
not because she didn’t know…but because she always did
too many years tight in the sheath of fear
then light came knocking
love crept through the frail stem
now
she’s raising her hand
she’s gonna raise every banner, every petal, every talent
open it up to the sun.

Bard Judith / Judy Alkema, 2013, shared with permission

~~~

“I have a lot of faith. But I am also afraid a lot, and have no real certainty about anything. I remembered something Father Tom had told me–that the opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns.”
~ Anne Lamott

 

The emptiness and discomfort. The mess. I know these, well. To be honest, I know them often.

If we are honest, are any of us certain? We are living in powerfully uncertain times.

Funny thing is, I know about creativity and the creative process, and about how it feels when I’m in the unknown. It feels crappy. And, it also feels invigorating and beautiful and alive, too. Somewhere we know things are cooking inside, in the dark, in the womb.

And, I know that if I simply sit in and feel the discomfort, that at some point ‘light’ comes in. It reminds me of the moon. How it goes black. And for a time it is void. And then we begin to see it again, even if it is just a tiny slice. If we didn’t ‘know’ about the moon, meaning understand that how it works, would we still just believe that it would return?

So what’s happening in the mess? in the discomfort and darkness? A lot. Even if we aren’t conscious of it, much is taking place. Just like in the ground when a seed is planted. And, just like the moon when it is void. The moon hasn’t disappeared. But we cannot see it.

After seeing this quote, I was working on the copy for my new course, Becoming a Force of Nature. I was scooting right along and then suddenly I compared. Myself to others. My course to others. My copy to other copy. And, boom, I suddenly had a billion, zillion thoughts swirling in my head, thoughts that seemed to make the discomfort even more uncomfortable.

Comparison is one of the worst things for creativity. It just kills it.

 

So, I stopped working on it.

I stopped. I just set it aside, made dinner, tidied up, read my book*, and got ready for bed. As I settled into bed, I reflected on the fogginess I’d found myself in. I felt the discomfort. And, I asked for guidance. Whether it be a dream, or something else, I actively asked to be shown what I didn’t yet know. I asked for something to come to light my way. With that, I turned out my light and went to sleep.

In the morning, as I often do, I posted a photo of a flower to Facebook (the one above). As I shared this flower (the one at the top of this post), I found myself typing in this description:

“I love this stage of unfurling, when that first petal shows itself in full.
It’s a vulnerable place that we humans know, too.
Yet, look how gorgeous it is to begin to reveal.”

I woke up feeling much lighter about this place of vulnerability. What I chose to share was both intuition and muse.

And then… Boom. Boom. Boom. Suddenly, clear things appeared to light my way.

My friend shared that they felt in this place, too. I asked her how it felt, and she wrote,

“It feels beautiful, sacred, inevitable. And exposed, tender, vulnerable.
The precursor to full bloom feels like an intense risk.
And yet, it’s the risk I can’t afford not to take.”

And Judy shared the poem at the top of this post, titled Raising Her Hand. It caused my breath to catch. Here it is, again.

Raising Her Hand

the too-full bud
learned never to speak out in class
was the weird one
showing up the other kids
learned to raise her hand
as late as possible
not because she didn’t know…but because she always did
too many years tight in the sheath of fear
then light came knocking
love crept through the frail stem
now
she’s raising her hand
she’s gonna raise every banner, every petal, every talent
open it up to the sun.

Bard Judith / Judy Alkema, 2013, shared with permission

 

Friends messaged me privately. They wrote about how the light came to them…and they knew nothing about this quote above.

 

Another friend, Kelly Letky, shared this post where she offers,

“And you, yes you, the one who says I am lost. Look into your heart. There are flowers growing there, right now.

Bloom.

Wonder.

Wander.

Breathe.“

And then I knew. I could see how the flower unfolding fit so beautifully with my new course.

And, with that, I was back on track. I had a much better sense of what women are feeling with regards to allowing themselves to give way to the delicious, yet sometimes frightening, wild life force that courses through us…this wild force of nature.

Life is a mirror reflecting in an infinite number of ways and directions.

 

What about this opening…

this unveiling of ourselves, our true selves? That vulnerable place we feel when we decide to reveal another pink layer of soul we’ve never shared with the world. Are these places as tender as the wound we’re trying to protect? Are they strong and vital and ready to be known and seen? Does the tenderness come from the wound itself, rather than from the fresh soul flesh exposed?

Perhaps the real lesson is to come to live this this wisdom from Meister Eckhart: ‘the ground of the soul is dark.’

It is this rich dark from which everything is born. When I come to uncertainty, I am being invited into the ground of the soul. I wonder if this has to feel uncomfortable? I wonder if I can open to it in a new way, without all of the things I ‘make up’ about it?

Wondering reminds me of what Kelly shared, “Look into your heart. There are flowers growing there, right now.”

This impulse to blossom is strong within us. It is the force of nature pushing its way to birth and growth. When we try to deny it, it causes us pain and suffering.

Eventually the suffering of denial becomes greater than our fears of who we might be if we do reveal ourselves.

This is the place I am interested in, this place where discomfort seems to be so, but in closer light perhaps it is the drawing close to soul that is really causing this dis-ease because to know soul we must be shaken and transformed. The shell of the seed must crack and be destroyed so what is within can grow forth.

~~~

Today, September 18th, is the opening day for The Business of Soul Telesummit, hosted by Jennifer Urezzio. I’m honored to be one of over 32 speakers sharing wisdom about being in the spotlight. My interview is titled “You Belong in the Spotlight.” and I talk about … Belonging.

The telesummit is free and you sign up here.

~~~

Revised Sept 26, 2013:

My new course, Becoming a Force of Nature, is open for registration. There will be a set number of openings as this will be the first run. And as the first run, it will be priced lower than subsequent offerings.

If you’ve read my work for a while, you know what I’m about. While I’ve taught many places, this is the first big course I’ve offered online.  I am really excited about it and I’d love to have you join me.

* The book I’m reading? (Marianne Elliot’s, Zen Under Fire, which is fantastic!)

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Female Creative Power

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“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.” ~Jimi Hendrix

Jimi was pretty wise. Life is Love and Love is Life. There is no difference. The force that creates is love, it is life force, and it is nothing like the pretty picture we humans have been painted. It is powerful beyond measure, and it scares the hell out of us.

All we know of power in our minds is what we’ve been conditioned to believe. This conditioning is what we have been ‘taught’ by others, by their actions and how they have treated us. We, in turn, have ingested this conditioned worldview about what power is and the effects of power.

When I speak of power to women, of stepping into our power, of becoming more powerful, many women immediately resist the idea of owning their own power. When they speak of the reasons why, it is because they see power as a bad thing. They see power as something that oppresses, degrades, imprisons and destroys. They speak of the way power has been used in their lifetimes to maintain a status quo that keeps an elite group of people powerful, while denying vital life-sustaining resources to others. They cringe at the thought of being powerful if it means they must be like those they have witnessed wielding power.

For us to step into our power as women, we must look to something else to know what true power is, and that something is Life, a power that flows out from within.

When I think of life force, the first thing that comes to mind is a seedling growing out of the ground. Imagine what force it takes for the tiny seedling to push its way through the dirt, through everything that stands in its way of reaching the light. The force that fuels the seedling to reach for the sun is Life finding its way.

Life finding its way is power, power from within, power rising up out of the dark, the power of life exploding into existence.

If you look at the dictionary definitions, there are a ton of definitions for the word power. Words can only point to something, and when we try to use words with each other, more often than not what a word points to for me might be very (or even slightly) different for you. In addition, many words hold memories of our experiences that we attached to the word, and with a loaded word like power, this is especially true.

If we, as women, step into our power, we must first be wise and conscious of our intentions and of the source of our power. We could simply imitate what we’ve seen in this male-centric world, but then we would simply be creating more of what we already have.

Power over others, the way we have been conditioned to see power used, serves to sustain separation and suffering. Utilizing power to keep others powerless ultimately keeps us all powerless and separate. Just look at our world today. The world of human beings is filled with separation, loneliness, and violence. This is the kind of power that keeps many women from wanting to be powerful, or even believing they can be powerful.

Instead, let’s engage our wisdom to tap into what we instinctively and intuitively know about power. When we consciously look at what we know to be true in our experience, we bring this knowing into wisdom, and that sources generative power from within.

Women have been the power source and creative agents of the continuation of the human species from the beginning. Without a womb, humans would not exist.

I have had the glorious opportunity to witness the birth of two of my grandchildren. I have two daughters and they are both now mothers. To witness labor and birth is to witness true power, the power of Life giving birth to itself.

In labor, a woman surrenders to the powerful forces of Life finding its way into life, into light from out of the dark. If you have given birth or have witnessed it, you know what I mean. If the mother-to-be surrenders and works with the powerful forces that are working within her, Life will do what it does so well…bring the new baby into existence. If she struggles with the process, something we humans do on a daily basis, the process can be more painful, but the process continues anyway, in spite of her struggling.

Life force is always flowing, finding its way. If we don’t align with it, life still flows but we find it much more painful, in so many ways.

When we align with the force of life, we are no longer trying to resist our soul’s natural expression. This life force is our creativity. When we express it, without resistance, what we express is beautiful and powerful beyond measure.

This power frightens us because our rational mind is not in control of it. We want to control it but we can’t. When we try to control it by resisting it, we only make ourselves sick. Consider how painful childbirth could be if the mother-to-be actively resisted the baby coming into being.

The really important piece here is to learn to trust this power, this expression, this creative life force. To have faith in it is to surrender to the natural expression of power, a power that sustains all of life.

If you have never birthed a baby, please don’t listen to the cultural forces that tell you you’re not a mother, and you can’t be fulfilled without being a mother. When I use this example in courses I teach, it can be emotionally difficult for women who have not birthed a child. We, as women, must come to honor the fact that we are all mothers. Women can birth so much more than babies, and we do it all the time. We can mother more than just our own physical babies, and the ability to truly love all of life unconditionally is the power that flows out from within.

I have used the example of childbirth purposely here, because women’s bodies know this process. A woman’s body, regardless of whether or not she ever physically gives birth to a child, contains the intelligent substance and process to create and grow new life and to bring it into being. This powerful process is completely mysterious to our rational minds. Our minds will never figure out how this works…hence the mystery. But, when we honor our bodies, and the intelligent mystery within, we align with the life force that engages this mysterious creative process inherently available to women.

Knowing this and experiencing it within brings wisdom, wisdom that is needed NOW.

By aligning with the power within, by this mysterious life force that is our creativity, we are capable of growing and birthing that which wants to be created, that life force that is finding its way. This is the power we must step into as women. This is the power of life-sustaining creativity. It’s generative in that it supports life, nurtures the mystery that is life, that is love, that is the most powerful force because it is existence itself.

Can you imagine how things might shift if we realized this power within that is yearning to flow out into the world?

Can you imagine what might be created if we held all the world in the center of our hearts, hearts that are aligned with this creativity?

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